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i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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