does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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