So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize