I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
