I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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