Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
