I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
