I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
