Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
