ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
