I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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