I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize