so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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