i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
