if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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