It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
