I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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