it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
