"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
