I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
