Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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