Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
