If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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