Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
