Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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