At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize