And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
