So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
