shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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