I skipped work to stalk him.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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