I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
