he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have aggressive nipples.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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