Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
