I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
