do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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