i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
