Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
