I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
