i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
