maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
