this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
