Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
