Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
