she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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