I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
