i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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