I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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