me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
