some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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