She said her name was "party"
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
