after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
