im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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