We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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