There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Rumble strips road head = magical
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
