my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
