Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she told me i tasted like america
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
