Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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