he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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