first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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