actually, I'm a sock model
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
