Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize