im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Randomize
