just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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