there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize