The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
